Ahahahaha…..I cracked up on this one. Good stuff and terribly accurate (unfortunately).

I couldn’t believe it when someone explained to me that in Iowa (at least back in the 90s) you didn’t always get a road test to get a license — if you were 18, or something, they picked a number, say 6, and if you were born the 6th, 16th or 26th of the month you had to take the road test. Maybe it was South Dakota that did this, I can’t remember.

I don’t like the “flying wedge” of bluehairs going 20 mph under the limit but around here they’re really the least of my problem. I worry more about the stupid overtestosteroned Persian boys in their muscle cars weaving through rush-hour traffic at 20 mph over the prevailing speed (even if the prevailing speed is 75 mph), the gardeners’ trucks that wouldn’t even be allowed to be registered back in Mexico, the stupid bikers who use the striping as their own personal lane (even the striping between the mixed-flow lanes and the carpool lanes), the rat bastards who cut into the 91 Express Lanes the second the Fastrak sensor is past, the complete dickwads who go across railroad tracks and then stop (“what was THAT bump?”), and of course the hat drivers.

Nobody who wears a hat can drive — either they’re old and slow (berets, fedorae, etc.), young and immortal (baseball caps, often turned backwards, and do-rags), tourists (cowboy hats subset one) or foreign immigrants who drive pickup trucks so decrepit they can’t handle the concept of “open freeway” (cowboy hats subset two, sombreros).

And then, of course, the total idiots who don’t know what flashing yellow left arrows mean. (“YOU CAN TURN IF IT’S SAFE,” I scream repeatedly out the window. “IT WILL NEVER TURN GREEN, YOUR CHOICES ARE FLASHING YELLOW OR SOLID RED,” I bawl. “YOU DON’T GET TWO SHADES OF YELLOW, LOOK TWICE AND GO FOR IT!”)