If you are like me, you’ve probably had enough of the political circus that has been plaguing us for the past months and, if you have to hear one more report on who said what or who is ahead of whom in the polls, you’re going to grab your TV and fling it into the nearest Salad Shooter.

I don’t blame you one iota.   I sympathize.    I burn, I pine, I perish.

But, if you have to consider one piece of advice before Election Day — if you have to turn your attention back on (I know, it’s tough) and really think about some opinion of the election process before then — mine might be a good one to consider.

I’m just saying.

While the crazy dance of politicians may leave you feeling homicidal and/or desperately needing a day-long spa treatment, the voting process — the actual act of you, the voter, placing your mark on the world — is not something to hide your head under a pillow about.   I firmly believe that there are too many people who vote incorrectly nowadays and I am here to try to prevent that. If I convince you, then maybe I’ve made a difference, however small that may be.

You don’t have to take my advice, of course.   Who am I to advise on political matters?   But it won’t kill you to consider these points…this time, at least.

1.  If you don’t care, don’t vote — There are a lot of pundits out there that will say that voting is your patriotic duty and you should do it at all costs, but I’m saying right now — if you can’t give two whits about the process or the people, DON’T.    You only endanger everyone else with your aloofness.   Voting for the sake of voting is reckless and stupid, both for yourself and us.   Please find something else more amusing — I won’t think less of you.

2.  If you don’t understand, don’t vote — Close on the heels of the apathetic are the ignorant, just begging to screw everything up.   Either educate yourself about the positions up for the vote and who is running for them or abstain.    This rule does not mean that if you do not know everyone right now, you can’t vote.   You have time — bone up.

3.  If you are planning to vote straight party, don’t vote — Voting for a straight party (meaning you just mark or pull the lever for “Democrat” or “Republican” instead of choosing each individual one) means that you don’t care enough (see #1) to read and understand each position being voted for.    Sure, it’s nice to be part of a group, but this isn’t a group activity and you are an intelligent, independent human being.   Make each decision for yourself.   If, at the end of the ballot, you have basically ended up voting for a straight party ticket anyway, so what?   What have you lost, a few minutes of Wheel of Fortune!?

4.  If you will vote for a candidate because a) your parents will, b) your religion will, c) your friends will, or d) any other group will, don’t vote — While listening to the opinions and thoughts of others is highly encouraged, the election is a special time where you, the citizen, gets to shed all external influences and vote as you think best.   If that embarrasses you, don’t vote.   Ballots are secret for a reason — take good advantage of that and use your brain instead of your self esteem.

5.  If you are going to vote a particular way because you always have, don’t vote — Again, the nicest part about voting is that it is secret.   So you’ve been a stolid Republican all your life — so what?   Voting Democrat, if the candidate is the best choice in your mind, isn’t a shame.    It’s fully taking the reins of your responsibilities of voting.  The point here isn’t to change sides, necessarily, but to avoid being a complete robot.  (No offense to our most favorite of all robots, who can bite my shiny metal ass.)

5.  If you are voting for or against a candidate because of one or two issues, don’t vote — Hanging your political hat on a singular issue that a candidate supports is idiotic.   No political position is so narrowly focused that one opinion will make or break the performance of that person over their elected term — you MUST consider the entire package.   Sure, I’m anti-abortion, but I’m voting for Obama because the package is better than the McCain bundle.   To vote for the opposite just because of that one dissention tossing away a lot of great aspects in favor of a bunch of bad ones.    A basket of good apples with one bad is a much better deal than one of all bad apples and one good.    And a good basket makes good pie.   Mmmm…pie.

6.  If your primary goal for a candidate is not for the scope in which they operate, don’t vote — What I mean by this is, you must consider the scope in which the candidate is running and consider whether or not they are the appropriate candidate within that scope. For instance, voting for a state senator because tax breaks he offers will help your town is WRONG.    Instead, you should consider those proposed tax breaks in reference to his scope — the entire state — to determine if he is the best candidate.   Likewise, electing a president because they are sympathetic to Midwest farmers is wrong, because although they may be good for the pigs, they may be very bad for the country as a whole.   Since the candidate will be operating at a particular level, it only makes sense to pick them based on that level.   Creepy logic, hrm?

7.  If your vote will be affected by the candidates age, gender, religion, sexual orientation, race, creed, family, or social status, don’t vote — This is 2008, folks.   I like to think that, in many ways, we have made progresses beyond that of our forefathers in determining the true worth of a human being and not taking irrelevant factors made up in fear into account.    If you are still stuck in the past, however, please don’t bring your biases to the polling location.   Stay home, beat your wife, and watch re-runs of All in the Family, completely missing the satire.

8.  If your choice of candidate is influenced by who has the better (or more convincing) commerical, media presentation, email forwards, or yard signs, don’t vote — I know that the media plays a very large role in determining how we perceive the world, products, and information, but you also have to keep your head screwed on straight and always realize that when you see an ad on the Boob Tube, it’s specifically geared to make you think or react in a particular way — and that particular way is usually one that prefers that you don’t look up the facts yourself and instead take the ad at its word.   Danger, Billy Bob!   No matter how an ad, sign, or presentation makes you feel, make sure you are always thinking about it correctly and double-check your facts.

9.  If you are not considering a candidate’s leadership abilities, charisma, communication abilities, and affability, don’t vote — Yes, I want you to always think intelligently about a candidate’s qualifications, previous employment and experience, and history, but at the same time, an smart voter considers the sort of business that the politician is getting into (or continuing in).    Most political positions involve copious amounts of public exposure and opportunities for leadership.    The higher up you get, the more this is relevant, and it behooves us as voters to place these abilities as a close 2nd, if not equal to, the other qualities of the candidate.   Why?   Simply put, a person who has good communication skills and the ability to take charge in a situation will get farther than a very qualified one who does not.    The past 8 years has been one of stumbled sentences, misread teleprompters, and blank stares.   Image matters a lot to foreign relations and confidence, especially if you are smarter than the average bear.

10.   If you are making your vote based on emotion, don’t vote – I know it’s hard for us to be non-emotional in times like this where the economy is in the dumper, people are losing their homes, investments are drying up, gas is killing us, and so forth, but you cannot allow that to get in the way of your voting process, because you may very well place a vote based on your current mood vs. the correct decision for the long-term.   Remember — the situation will change.   For better, for worse, something will change, and you want your decision to be correct no matter how you might feel in a week, month, or year.    Instead, use your emotions to urge you to be the best damned voter anyone could ask for.   Go, team, go.

So — there you have it, 10 reasons to NOT vote.

Does this mean I’m advocating not voting?   No.   Does it mean that I am trying to give you an excuse not to vote?   No.    It means I think you (and everyone else) is capable of being a better voter, of making good choices based on logic and rational thought, and placing a vote that they won’t regret in the long term.     I’m also not advocating that you vote in any particular way — Democrat, Republican, Independent — but what I am saying is that I want, whatever your choice is, to be one that you arrived at by thinking about it. As long as you have a good reason, I’m happy with it.

I’m curious to hear what you think of my 10 reasons to not vote and if you agree or not.   Either way, I’m done with my process — I voted already via absentee.   I highly recommend it if you have the ability in your state; there’s nothing quite like being able to review a ballot in the privacy of your own home, having the ability to look people up online before you make your decision, and vote sitting on your ass.   Because I’m fond of doing things that allow me to sit on my ass, and it’s a damned shame they don’t have grills with recliners on them.

Vote Early, Vote Smart, Vote Often!