Comments on: You Don’t Have to Have a Kid http://www.philosyphia.com/kids/you-dont-have-to-have-a-kid My Keyboard, My Sword Thu, 12 Jan 2012 23:28:29 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: The Sister http://www.philosyphia.com/kids/you-dont-have-to-have-a-kid/comment-page-1#comment-3827 The Sister Thu, 04 Feb 2010 14:26:55 +0000 http://www.philosyphia.com/?p=2185#comment-3827 I have a distant relative who actually had a 2nd child only because she found out how much her WIC and food stamp $$ would go up, Yes Niche, that's a moron. Now, she's had a 3rd and if it was a boy, she was willing to give away her 2nd child (also a boy) to a relative cause she didn't NEED 2 boys!!!!! I have a distant relative who actually had a 2nd child only because she found out how much her WIC and food stamp $$ would go up, Yes Niche, that’s a moron. Now, she’s had a 3rd and if it was a boy, she was willing to give away her 2nd child (also a boy) to a relative cause she didn’t NEED 2 boys!!!!!

]]> By: Nathan Pralle http://www.philosyphia.com/kids/you-dont-have-to-have-a-kid/comment-page-1#comment-3717 Nathan Pralle Mon, 21 Dec 2009 19:19:38 +0000 http://www.philosyphia.com/?p=2185#comment-3717 <b>Niche:</b> ROTFLMAO. Srsly. Niche: ROTFLMAO. Srsly.

]]> By: nicheplayer http://www.philosyphia.com/kids/you-dont-have-to-have-a-kid/comment-page-1#comment-3714 nicheplayer Mon, 21 Dec 2009 18:18:19 +0000 http://www.philosyphia.com/?p=2185#comment-3714 At least most of the people in your target audience for this post are giving the matter some thought. How about those morons who just keep having kids because they have nothing better to do? Yes, I said "morons." Ho ho ho, damnit. .-= nicheplayer´s last blog ..<a href="http://nicheplayer.net/avablog/2009/12/21/tis-the-season/" rel="nofollow">Tis the season</a> =-. At least most of the people in your target audience for this post are giving the matter some thought. How about those morons who just keep having kids because they have nothing better to do? Yes, I said “morons.” Ho ho ho, damnit.
.-= nicheplayer´s last blog ..Tis the season =-.

]]> By: Stacey Thomas http://www.philosyphia.com/kids/you-dont-have-to-have-a-kid/comment-page-1#comment-3691 Stacey Thomas Tue, 08 Dec 2009 15:56:17 +0000 http://www.philosyphia.com/?p=2185#comment-3691 See now I don't find "childless by choice" an offensive phrase at all. It's what I would term myself if things had turned out that way. I think it's a good phrase that tells people to mind their own business, this is a personal choice I've made and your comments and opinions are not welcome. .-= Stacey Thomas´s last blog ..<a href="http://www.thisjustinblog.com/?p=647" rel="nofollow">Product Review: King Arthur Flour Key Lime Cheesecake Bars Mix</a> =-. See now I don’t find “childless by choice” an offensive phrase at all. It’s what I would term myself if things had turned out that way. I think it’s a good phrase that tells people to mind their own business, this is a personal choice I’ve made and your comments and opinions are not welcome.
.-= Stacey Thomas´s last blog ..Product Review: King Arthur Flour Key Lime Cheesecake Bars Mix =-.

]]> By: The Sister http://www.philosyphia.com/kids/you-dont-have-to-have-a-kid/comment-page-1#comment-3690 The Sister Mon, 07 Dec 2009 13:32:01 +0000 http://www.philosyphia.com/?p=2185#comment-3690 Not only is the pressure out there to have kids, but to get married and before you "get too old". I'm 28 and not married and I actually had a farmer tell me, "You're not getting any younger, you know?" Well, no crap! There is an equal amount of pressure from society to be married. You have until 27 until people start to get nervous, but by 30 (if you're not married) you are doomed! REALLY?? I like to believe that I am worthy of someone who will love me for me and WANT to be with me, not get married becasue society says we have to. I WANT to be married, I WANT kids, but I also believe that all of this will come to me when the time is right for me, not society! Not only is the pressure out there to have kids, but to get married and before you “get too old”. I’m 28 and not married and I actually had a farmer tell me, “You’re not getting any younger, you know?” Well, no crap! There is an equal amount of pressure from society to be married. You have until 27 until people start to get nervous, but by 30 (if you’re not married) you are doomed! REALLY?? I like to believe that I am worthy of someone who will love me for me and WANT to be with me, not get married becasue society says we have to. I WANT to be married, I WANT kids, but I also believe that all of this will come to me when the time is right for me, not society!

]]> By: Nathan Pralle http://www.philosyphia.com/kids/you-dont-have-to-have-a-kid/comment-page-1#comment-3689 Nathan Pralle Mon, 07 Dec 2009 01:04:08 +0000 http://www.philosyphia.com/?p=2185#comment-3689 Like many of you, Marie/Julia, I definitely think that we should change some attitudes and terminology. I <i>would</i> like to see folks not consider the child/childless aspect of a couple as a feature of them and having such inane acronyms such as DINK (I guess that makes us a SIOK couple or something) to group people blindly. I mean, I think kids are great, but I think no kids are great, too. There's a buttload of benefits to both sides, and I'm often envious of those couples that don't have kids because, in some ways, they get many more freedoms than us, although I'd never give up my son in a million years. Grass is greener, eh? :) Stacey, thanks for being honest about how you felt your parenting life has gone and that it's not all roses and happy toilet spray. I suspect it's more common to not naturally slide into being a parent but having to 'make do' with the situation instead, and you've done very well with your kids. Like many of you, Marie/Julia, I definitely think that we should change some attitudes and terminology. I would like to see folks not consider the child/childless aspect of a couple as a feature of them and having such inane acronyms such as DINK (I guess that makes us a SIOK couple or something) to group people blindly. I mean, I think kids are great, but I think no kids are great, too. There’s a buttload of benefits to both sides, and I’m often envious of those couples that don’t have kids because, in some ways, they get many more freedoms than us, although I’d never give up my son in a million years. Grass is greener, eh? :)

Stacey, thanks for being honest about how you felt your parenting life has gone and that it’s not all roses and happy toilet spray. I suspect it’s more common to not naturally slide into being a parent but having to ‘make do’ with the situation instead, and you’ve done very well with your kids.

]]> By: Julia http://www.philosyphia.com/kids/you-dont-have-to-have-a-kid/comment-page-1#comment-3687 Julia Sun, 06 Dec 2009 12:23:31 +0000 http://www.philosyphia.com/?p=2185#comment-3687 Whoa. I would ask what prompted this, but with you, sometimes you don't need prompting, and I love it. This is another of your posts that has me thinking, because although I'm sure you aren't alone in this opinion, there are few who would voice it. And you HAVE a kid and I know you and Yolanda love him dearly. Like Marie, a lot of my high school friends have a kid (or several) and my younger friends (mainly church friends) are on kid #2. It's hard sometimes, almost like you have to convince people that you and your partner are happy together. Just the two of you. Nothing missing. Some women might have a five year plan that involves kids by X date, but I'm not one of them. And, as an article I read recently pointed out, women spend a great deal of time making sure they DON"T get pregnant - and then can't when they actually want to. Ugh, and someone at a party I just went to called us DINKs. Which we are, I guess, but it bugs me that he put it that way. It's almost as bad a phrase as "childless by choice." OK I'm going to wrap this up. Thanks for the great post, Nathan. .-= Julia´s last blog ..<a href="http://juliapoet.blogspot.com/2009/11/happy-birthday-to-me.html" rel="nofollow">Happy Birthday to Me!</a> =-. Whoa. I would ask what prompted this, but with you, sometimes you don’t need prompting, and I love it.

This is another of your posts that has me thinking, because although I’m sure you aren’t alone in this opinion, there are few who would voice it. And you HAVE a kid and I know you and Yolanda love him dearly. Like Marie, a lot of my high school friends have a kid (or several) and my younger friends (mainly church friends) are on kid #2.

It’s hard sometimes, almost like you have to convince people that you and your partner are happy together. Just the two of you. Nothing missing. Some women might have a five year plan that involves kids by X date, but I’m not one of them. And, as an article I read recently pointed out, women spend a great deal of time making sure they DON”T get pregnant – and then can’t when they actually want to. Ugh, and someone at a party I just went to called us DINKs. Which we are, I guess, but it bugs me that he put it that way. It’s almost as bad a phrase as “childless by choice.”

OK I’m going to wrap this up. Thanks for the great post, Nathan.
.-= Julia´s last blog ..Happy Birthday to Me! =-.

]]> By: Jimmy http://www.philosyphia.com/kids/you-dont-have-to-have-a-kid/comment-page-1#comment-3682 Jimmy Sat, 05 Dec 2009 09:45:14 +0000 http://www.philosyphia.com/?p=2185#comment-3682 thanks for writing this. i agree wholeheartedly, and i consider the money i spent for my vasectomy to be the best investment i ever made. thanks for writing this. i agree wholeheartedly, and i consider the money i spent for my vasectomy to be the best investment i ever made.

]]> By: Gina Vosburg http://www.philosyphia.com/kids/you-dont-have-to-have-a-kid/comment-page-1#comment-3681 Gina Vosburg Fri, 04 Dec 2009 19:38:26 +0000 http://www.philosyphia.com/?p=2185#comment-3681 AMEN! AMEN!

]]> By: Marie http://www.philosyphia.com/kids/you-dont-have-to-have-a-kid/comment-page-1#comment-3680 Marie Fri, 04 Dec 2009 19:25:02 +0000 http://www.philosyphia.com/?p=2185#comment-3680 Especially for people who are around my age and use FB a lot, there is a lot of publicized peer pressure on "keeping up with the Joneses". My friends are getting engaged monthly, friends are getting married left and right, a lot of people I knew in high school have CHILDREN. Not just one. Two. It's like..Oh, hi, I'm still working on my associates and my boyfriend and I haven't even talked about marriage and I don't think I want kids because I feel there's too much I want to do for myself". And everyone just brushes it off and says "You willllll!" in that knowing voice. Even my mom :P It's the abnormal thing to not want kids. Even people who I thought would never have them or said they didn't want them HAD them. I see some people my age not able to enjoy a lot of their early twenties because of having kids too fast and too soon. Not to say there's a set time to have kids, but I know there was some pressure there. Pressure from family or pressure from society telling us all that having this life is NORMAL and it will fix all your problems. Don't feel loved enough? Have a kid! To make it clear, just because I don't want children doesn't mean I don't like them. I think that's the impression people get when they hear about "CHILDLESS COUPLES". Childless. Like it's something those couples are missing out on. Like they don't have the goods. But I don't hate kids just because I don't think I want any. I think most kids are pretty smart and sometimes interesting to talk to. They can be cute. But they can also be a nightmare. I'm just not equipped to be a parent. I've always doubted it. I don't know if I will ever feel confident enough. There's a fear of making a mistake, or regretting the child and taking it out on them. I'm terrified of that. I don't want to ruin my kid's life or mine, by regret and poor planning. But yeah. The social pressure is definitely there. Even my boyfriend, who I hear audibly sigh with irritation when he hears a temper tantrum, seems like he's thought about having kids...and I know he's terrified of being a father, too. I just don't get why people are pressured into having this life. Why can't a married couple or even a single person, just live the life they want, for themselves, if they so choose? There is no one as selfless as a good parent, and their love for their children amazes and astounds me, but I'm too unsure of myself and what I want out of life. Just now, literally, my friend IMd me and said ANOTHER FRIEND GOT ENGAGED. See? Now I have to go mope and log on to Macy's and fantasize about napkin rings and cutlery. Especially for people who are around my age and use FB a lot, there is a lot of publicized peer pressure on “keeping up with the Joneses”. My friends are getting engaged monthly, friends are getting married left and right, a lot of people I knew in high school have CHILDREN. Not just one. Two. It’s like..Oh, hi, I’m still working on my associates and my boyfriend and I haven’t even talked about marriage and I don’t think I want kids because I feel there’s too much I want to do for myself”. And everyone just brushes it off and says “You willllll!” in that knowing voice. Even my mom :P It’s the abnormal thing to not want kids. Even people who I thought would never have them or said they didn’t want them HAD them. I see some people my age not able to enjoy a lot of their early twenties because of having kids too fast and too soon. Not to say there’s a set time to have kids, but I know there was some pressure there. Pressure from family or pressure from society telling us all that having this life is NORMAL and it will fix all your problems. Don’t feel loved enough? Have a kid!
To make it clear, just because I don’t want children doesn’t mean I don’t like them. I think that’s the impression people get when they hear about “CHILDLESS COUPLES”. Childless. Like it’s something those couples are missing out on. Like they don’t have the goods. But I don’t hate kids just because I don’t think I want any. I think most kids are pretty smart and sometimes interesting to talk to. They can be cute. But they can also be a nightmare. I’m just not equipped to be a parent. I’ve always doubted it. I don’t know if I will ever feel confident enough. There’s a fear of making a mistake, or regretting the child and taking it out on them. I’m terrified of that. I don’t want to ruin my kid’s life or mine, by regret and poor planning.
But yeah. The social pressure is definitely there. Even my boyfriend, who I hear audibly sigh with irritation when he hears a temper tantrum, seems like he’s thought about having kids…and I know he’s terrified of being a father, too. I just don’t get why people are pressured into having this life. Why can’t a married couple or even a single person, just live the life they want, for themselves, if they so choose? There is no one as selfless as a good parent, and their love for their children amazes and astounds me, but I’m too unsure of myself and what I want out of life.
Just now, literally, my friend IMd me and said ANOTHER FRIEND GOT ENGAGED. See? Now I have to go mope and log on to Macy’s and fantasize about napkin rings and cutlery.

]]> By: Stacey Thomas http://www.philosyphia.com/kids/you-dont-have-to-have-a-kid/comment-page-1#comment-3679 Stacey Thomas Fri, 04 Dec 2009 19:07:58 +0000 http://www.philosyphia.com/?p=2185#comment-3679 I knew at 16 years old that I didn't want to have kids. I was also uneducated about oral contraceptives, I was raised Catholic and when I was 17, the condom broke. 22 years later, I have a 22 year old and a 7 year old. I know it sounds strange, but I have only recently "fallen in love" with being Evan's (my younger son) parent. Carl, on the other hand, was the child of my youth and grew up right along with me. We have a very special relationship because of that. I won't lie, my oldest boy had it much, much harder than my younger one. Much counselling was involved over the course of years. He has turned out pretty well, I have to say, no drugs, no crime, and a conscience. Anyhow, I could go on for a very long time...but I'll just sum up with "Excellent post, very, very true. Childless by choice is FINE." .-= Stacey Thomas´s last blog ..<a href="http://www.thisjustinblog.com/?p=627" rel="nofollow">Product Review: Kellogg’s Rice Krispie Holiday House Kit</a> =-. I knew at 16 years old that I didn’t want to have kids. I was also uneducated about oral contraceptives, I was raised Catholic and when I was 17, the condom broke. 22 years later, I have a 22 year old and a 7 year old. I know it sounds strange, but I have only recently “fallen in love” with being Evan’s (my younger son) parent. Carl, on the other hand, was the child of my youth and grew up right along with me. We have a very special relationship because of that. I won’t lie, my oldest boy had it much, much harder than my younger one. Much counselling was involved over the course of years. He has turned out pretty well, I have to say, no drugs, no crime, and a conscience.
Anyhow, I could go on for a very long time…but I’ll just sum up with “Excellent post, very, very true. Childless by choice is FINE.”
.-= Stacey Thomas´s last blog ..Product Review: Kellogg’s Rice Krispie Holiday House Kit =-.

]]> By: Melissa http://www.philosyphia.com/kids/you-dont-have-to-have-a-kid/comment-page-1#comment-3678 Melissa Fri, 04 Dec 2009 18:00:26 +0000 http://www.philosyphia.com/?p=2185#comment-3678 High five, nice post Nathan! High five, nice post Nathan!

]]> By: Twitted by NathanPralle http://www.philosyphia.com/kids/you-dont-have-to-have-a-kid/comment-page-1#comment-3677 Twitted by NathanPralle Fri, 04 Dec 2009 17:53:59 +0000 http://www.philosyphia.com/?p=2185#comment-3677 [...] This post was Twitted by NathanPralle [...] [...] This post was Twitted by NathanPralle [...]

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