Author’s Note: This entry was actually written back in March just after we found out that Yolanda was pregnant; there was so much fear and hand-wringing on our part going on, I needed to write down the things that were going through my head at the time, and a blog entry seemed appropriate. Of course, part of that problem was that we hadn’t yet told anyone about the pregnancy, so I had to keep it unpublished. That’s no longer an issue, so here it is.

We found out yesterday that what we had suspected for some time was reality and as far as we know so far, you exist and are off and running down the long and busy road to being constructed inside your mummy. This is going to be a time of a lot of apprehension and waiting, I have a feeling.

You see, we’re more reserved this time, as we don’t know if we’re supposed to be excited or not yet. The last time we tried this, we had one or two other children started and something went wrong — horribly wrong — and they didn’t make it very far. While reserved, we had already gotten our hopes up and started down the path of being excited, only to spend several days and weeks in pain and heartache over it not sticking.

The other problem right now surrounds the fact that we’re still in your mummy’s homeland of Australia and, while we could get this checked out, getting something medically examined here that isn’t an emergency isn’t all that easy, and calls to get a blood test have been returned rather rudely. We’re hoping that Auntie Mel can do some good for us once we get to Adelaide and at least get an HCG level, so we can tell if you’re doing well or not.

This was supposed to be technically held off until we got back to the States, but as things go, it didn’t happen that way. I think the nice holiday finally let us relax and unwind and let our stomachs stop cramping about life for a few minutes. We really needed the break. Perhaps in some ways, it’s appropriate for you to be conceived on Australian soil, as you’re half of this land anyway.

Now, while we finish off the rest of our holiday, we’re starting to form plans in our minds — what car seat to get, what stroller to buy — while we’re both still very, very reserved and aren’t telling many people yet, we both have the longer view of looking ahead in case this works out like we both desperately want it to. We have both learned that life consists of a lot of taking care of the present moment while having the foresight to anticipate the future. It’s not always easy, but it behooves us to try.

Despite our efforts to hold our enthusiasm in check, please don’t ever take that as a feeling that we don’t want you to happen. We do, both, from the bottom of our hearts, hope that this is right, that you’re ok and will continue to be ok, and we will get to see you sometime in October or November. It’s just we’re scared and scarred from the last time and we are cautiously optimistic towards the success of this mission.

Here’s hoping everything continues to be smoother than we anticipate and quicker than we think.