Now, then. *CACKLE* Let me introduce you to a wonderful thing called cà phê sữa đá — Vietnamese iced coffee, pronounced “kah feh shya da?” as though it were a question.

You see, I used to sling joe, both at Fourbucks and at a little indie place down the Jersey Shore. Fourbucks had a rule about the length of time between when a shot was pulled and when it had to be used. So if we were slow, we’d just drink the shot rather than throwing it out. I was completely, utterly impervious to caffeine for ten years after that. I mean impervious to the point of drinking four shots of ristretto and being able to fall asleep in the car on the way home.

I’m still mostly impervious, but I have a new weapon:
Put a quarter cup of condensed milk (out of a can) in a regular coffee mug. take ground coffee (fresh-ground is best, and if you have the type with chicory, this is the closest to actual Viet coffee) and put it in a cup-top filter (see photo below)… the filter should be one-third filled with coffee when tamped lightly. Put the filter atop the cup of milk, pour boiling water in the filter up to the top, then wait for it to drip through. Refill with boiling water, wait for it to drip through. Remove the filter, stir the milk and coffee together (this takes slightly longer than you think it should, condensed milk is thick stuff), then pour the mixed substance over ice (crushed is best but cubes are OK).

I am telling you, this and nothing else — not pep pills, not regular coffee, not tea, not caffeinated sofa — is what got me through the first two weeks after my daughter was born.

You can get this from http://www.quickspice.com for $4 — we buy them in Asian markets here, but Asian markets are in very short supply in north-central Iowa. I could also send you one if you like.