Earlier tonight my wife was well and thoroughly convinced that the mushrooms I ate at the supper table were going to finally off me in a blaze of culinary experimentation gone wrong and save her the trouble. As it is now some 4 or 5 hours later and either I’m still here (no ghostwriting…yet!), I’m afraid I’ve managed to twart untimely death once again and will still be around to annoy her in the morn with my insipid smiles and amateurish humors. C’est la vie, no?
As it turns out, I quite enjoyably dined on two overly-sautéd (hey, I was nervous, too) yet nonetheless supremely tasty morel mushrooms that I found in my back yard one summers eve, no more than and no less than 2 twilights ago. Fried in some butter and sprinkled with fresh-ground pepper and sea salt, they were as advertised by the howevermany websites and rumors that eating a morel mushroom in Iowa in the springtime is — well, something terribly natural and wholesome.
WHERE HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN HIDING THESE FROM ME?!?
“Flavorful,” seems a too-formal word for the fun I had with these buggers tonight. Sure, it might have been the Whole Stick of Real Cream Butter they were doused in, but really — wow. Im-pressive. More than I thought at first blush would emit from something so…wrinkled. I would pose the question of, “Perhaps other wrinkled things taste like butter-soaked ‘shrooms?” but you wouldn’t want the visual, so I’ll keep that musing to myself.
Oh, damn. How do I tell them that because of the unfreezing process I have no inner monologue? I hope I didn’t say that out loud just now.
It’s my understanding that morels do not typically make their appearance to the visual world in the backyard of a bungalow miles from anything hearkening to the terminology, “forest”, and yet, there they were — one large and one large-challenged, sitting there as though it was customary for their kind to be hanging out in the middle of nowhere. My guess is that their conversation had taken the path of, “Goddammit, I knew we should have stopped at that last stump to ask for directions! You NEVER listen to me!” “Oh, shaddup you wrinkled old hag!” “HEY! LOOK IN THE MIRROR MR. BOTOX-LESS!!!”
(one can never be sure of the discussions of fungi)
Despite the unusual manifestation, and after checking numerous online sources to determine that these were really morels (they were) and that they were really non-toxic (they are, but only when cooked) and that they weren’t the much-more-impressively-poisonous “false” morel (they weren’t, but did you know that even those are edible after cooking? You just can’t take any chances that they aren’t cooked or you end up making your own little mushrooms, if you get my drift), I found a simple recipe (gotta start somewhere) and sliced them into some hot moo-fat and off to the races we went.
Sigh. Culinary adventures? Check. Satisfied my danger quotient? Check. Amused the wife?
…
Well, there’s always tomorrow. 
OMG looks like some sort of sea coral.. No wonder Landa was concerned!
I had no idea that they were toxic if uncooked. They are wonderful though, aren’t you? And if you ever want more, all you have to do is sell your son to get them! Those puppies are expensive!!! (my former boss brought us a small vat of them when I was still working at the law office and we drooled thinking about them for a good long time.)
Mel: Ha! I never thought about that, but you have a point — they DO kinda look like coral. And given that you come from the Land of Deadly Things, it’s not entirely out of character to think this might just be another item in a line of nasties.
Shelley: Only slightly toxic, somewhat akin to potatoes (which are also slightly toxic raw — they are, after all, members of the nightshade family — the leaves of potatoes are quite deadly). But like most toxins, the proteins get denatured in the cooking process so they end up being fine to eat in the long run.
You’re brave, I don’t think I could’ve tried one of those. I would’ve been like Yolanda, just waiting for you to keel over.
I love love love Morels! They sell them at HyVee here for about a week if the season is good, but as mentioned…they are quite expensive. I’m surprised you found some so late in the season! Beyond sautee’ing (which is really my favorite) they are phenomenal in stews, and that’s a good way to save them if you don’t find them until they are dry. Good find!