Last night I attended the wedding of two very dear and wonderful people who completely and totally deserve to be together and who make a lovely couple. The service was lovely, the groom belted out an awesome solo, the bride looked radiant, and the reception supper was incredibly tasty.
Only one problem: The reception was dry. There wasn’t even champagne. Sigh.
A little bubbly goes a long way.
I think a common misconception with those who are skittish around the topic of alcohol is that having a wet wedding will result in a lot of rowdy folks getting totally sloshed and puking all over. And depending on your family, this may be the case with a few people — everyone has at least one guy or gal who will go too far and need some help stumbling into bed at the end of the evening.
However, here’s what I’ve observed about the presence of alcohol in a social gathering setting such as a wedding:
In order to have a rip-roaring good time, people need to be comfortable enough to let down their hair and loosen up a bit, especially when the room is full of people who are, at best, acquaintances and family members that you don’t hang out with all the time. Sure, you have a few friends, but the bulk of people at a wedding are folks you simply don’t see every day. We humans have a HUGE ability to spend the bulk of our time in such a situation wondering what others are thinking of us. It’s why we agonize over what to wear, how we walk, talk, and act, and who we are seen associating with or not.
In short, we’re pretty uptight and formal.
Given enough time, we’d get comfortable on our own and loosen up, but at a wedding reception, you only have a few hours to have fun and then it’s over and people have to go to bed. The process has to be sped up.
Enter the powers of alcohol!
Despite the occasional semi-amusing person who will spend the evening replacing the bulk of their blood supply with whiskey, most folks will have a drink or three and call it good. Even in this small amount, amazing things happen to the group dynamic. One of alcohol’s first functions on the brain is to relax the body and mind and the second is to reduce inhibitions. Of course, if you drink enough you might get REALLY wild, but the first inhibitions to be relaxed is to stop worrying so damned much about what others are thinking about what you’re doing and to just have fun.
This ends up being an essential key to creating a great party atmosphere in the time constraints allowed. The quick way to get the folks that will have fun to HAVING FUN is to get a bit of booze in them. Not so much that they can’t stand up, but enough that they can relax, loosen up, and start worrying more about having a good time than about comparing notes. Nobody wants a bunch of drunks stumbling around and breaking tables, but we do want a great time to be had. Having some adult beverages available will ensure this. Tongues loosen, bodies loosen, minds shut up. It’s a great formula for an awesome time.
This all being said, weddings are for the bride and groom and whatever they want on that day is law; everyone else can sit down and shut the hell up as far as I’m concerned. Various religions or customs might take offense to having such beverages present. I completely get the arguments against it, but if your event allows for it, take it as advice that it can be one of the best social lubricants known to man.
I had a wonderful time at the aforementioned wedding and would never say otherwise, but I walked away early in the night, wondering if it wouldn’t have been that much more impressive and memorable had a few of the tighter individuals simply had some liquid encouragement ingested in order to get down and groove.
You know, my mom went to a wedding as a young adult and there was booze and the newly married couple left that night fairly trashed. Hubby wrecked the car that he and his wife were in and he died. Mom’s been against alcohol at weddings since then. (while I could totally see her concern, we had booze at our wedding because it was important to us and neither of us drank enough to be even buzzed.)
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@Shelley: Yeah, I get that some people have had a really bad experience with it one way or another (we all know the wedding where the groom or best man or someone got sloshed and made a complete fool of themselves), but on the whole I think it’s a straw man to say, “This one time…” and that’s the determination for every experience thereafter. I’d say that 99.98% of events I’ve been to that involved alcohol there was NOT any repercussions and a good time was had by all. (Not that I think any less of your mother; lord knows I think she’s awesome.)
While I see your point- I was, in fact, talking to a coworker this week about drinking, and we agreed that some is good to loosen up but too much makes you stupid – it really depends on the crowd.
Our wedding was dry, and we toasted with raspberry ginger ale, so it was still festive. Since our reception was in the afternoon, and it was a high tea theme, it wasn’t really a venue for drinking. The crowd was a mix of dancers (who don’t need to drink to have fun, though they like a beer or two in the evening), family and church friends who are teetotalers or understanding that my parents and grandparents are. My parents don’t drink at all and they were paying – so, I respected their position. I do know that one of our groomsmen had a flask, and those who were really miffed could buy themselves something at the bar in the next room – though I doubt my parents noticed. It was a great day and I never heard complaints about the lack of adult beverages.
All the best to your friends!
@Julia: Well, there’s a few things at play here — 1, were you happy with your wedding? If so, it doesn’t matter. And 2, with your parents paying, that kinda makes it hard, and I get that, too. That’s why we tried our darnest to keep parents and others out of it. We almost managed but hit a budget crisis at the end and my father, bless him a thousand times, saved our asses. But that’s the point we tried for just so we’d have everything our way.
You’re right….the crowd makes a big difference. Around here, people tend to be very stiff and formal and conservative; getting them to loosen up and have a bit of fun usually requires a bit of help, versus other places simply require nothing else. I extremely dislike the phrase, “can’t have fun without alcohol” (the way teetotalers say it in that condescending tone), because that’s not it…of course I can have fun without. So can most people. But in a conservative mix of family and friends that isn’t used to partying together, it can sure be a wonderful addition (in the right amounts — nobody likes the stupid drunk) to help the dynamic along.
Like I said, I’d never ever pooh-pooh someone’s choices; I just like to have people consider the GOOD benefits it can offer a heterogeneous gathering.
We’re having basic beverages – beer, wine & soft drinks at our wedding – number one because we can’t afford spirits for everyone, and number two because most people will enjoy a bit of what they like and leave it at that. Oh, there will be sparkling wine for the toasts as well. We’re having an adults only reception in the evening, and it would feel strange without alcohol!
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We had an open bar at ours expecting a lot of marines to show up and instead ended up with a lot of alcohol left over. But for us it was worth it, even if neither of us should have been driving to our hotel that night. It was a fun reception though!
@Julie: Yeah, you had a LOT of leftover alcohol, but hey…what the heck. And the reception was a ton of fun, so I count it as success!
Hmm…a very interesting topic. I agree that I don’t like the phrase, “can’t have fun without alcohol”, but since I am from the same area as my big brother, I completely understand what he is saying. I actually was to attend the same wedding, but was working my 2nd job. I spoke with our mother the next day and she said, “most people were gone by 10″ for which I replied, “that’s what happens when you have a dry reception”. While I realize that is a sad statement, it is also true around here. So, if you are completely okay with having a short, but sweet reception in which people head out early…good for ya! If you intend for everyone to stick around and dance until the wee hours of the morning, expect to have them bellied up to the bar!
As someone who has yet to “make the big leap”. I have very torn feelings about it! I don’t want anyone to get incredibly drunk and then drive, but I want everyone to have a good time as well! So, I guess we’ll see…
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@Sister: It’s all a matter of knowing your audience, I think, and around here that’s how it goes. Farmers and so forth don’t get jiggy unless you loosen them up a bit. I’m a fan of, “If you get drunk and drive then it’s your own damned fault” or it’s the fault of your friends/family for not stopping you, but the event planners should never feel guilty unless they were forcing drinks down the person’s throat. That sort of thing could happen anywhere, not just a wedding.