This rant today is brought to you by this incredible news story. (Same story, different reports here, here, and here). A lesbian couple goes to the doctor, borrows some sperm, gets them fertilized in-vitro, and then has the embryos implanted to try to give them a child.

The procedure works. In fact, it works so well, the couple now has two healthy, baby girls. And they don’t want one of them, so they’re suing the doctor over it.

An Australian lesbian couple who underwent embryo implantation is currently suing Canberrian Dr. Sydney Robert Armellin for destroying the couple’s social life with children.  You hateful, terrible person — how dare you give this couple children when they went in for treatment?

Here’s some reasons why this couple of women should be taken out into the streets and hit over the head with a garden rake repeatedly for being selfish, ignorant, whiny, immature, disgusting human beings:

Reason #1: They don’t want one of the girls.

This is just awful. You underwent a procedure that has risks just like any other treatment, and not only did you get one healthy child, you got TWO! But, instead of being unbelievably happy and feeling blessed when so many other parents can’t even have one child, you turn around and sue them for giving you too many. I can’t imagine the thoughts that will go through the girls’ heads when they find out that one of them wasn’t wanted. Good job, Mum & Mum. That’ll be $3,000 in therapy to fix later, assholes.

Reason #2: They want almost A$400,000 in compensation for raising one of the girls.

I don’t know what the going rate for children is these days, but can you really quantify this and, if so, I think you’re spending far too much time worrying about money instead of raising your child. And they want this much money to help pay for a private, non-traditional Steiner school for the girl in question as well. So, not only do we want compensation, we want primo monies.

Did I mention that they make A$120,000 combined already? Yeah — does this greed make my butt look fat?

Reason #3: They want $15,000 to compensate for having to take time off work.

WAAAAH. Waaaaah. Do you want me to call the waaaambulance? You utter cretin. That’s part of the job of being a parent, taking care of your kids. I’m so glad that you feel like your time was wasted on your childrens’ well-being.

Reason #4: The women act as if their lives shouldn’t change by having children.

Quote: “She said the pair lost their lives functioning as a couple, becoming mired in everyday tasks associated with raising two children.” I’m sorry, but what did you expect to happen when you had kids, that you could go out every night, boozing it up with your airhead fag-hags, and crawling home at 3am to bump beavers until dawn? Did you not realize that having children involves being up to your elbows in poopy and saying, ‘hi, who are you?’ to your partner on a regular basis? How utterly shallow can a person be?

The one woman reports her partner as having “lost the capacity to love”. Fine. I’ve lost the capacity to avoid popping a cap in your ass. Twit.

Thankfully, the doctor’s lawyer sounds 300 times smarter than the plantiffs and has said that this is a pretty common occurrence experienced by most parents when they have children, and although they might feel unique, they’re not. I would have felt a lot better if she had said, “Suck it up, bitches.” Somehow, I think that was probably in her mind anyway.

To be honest, I’m a little surprised that the case has gotten this far in the Australian courts, as they usually tend to throw out this trite bullshit with judges laughing all the way, but I suppose they’re attempting to make a case based on the “medical malpractice” part of the entire episode, not the fact that the parents are complete and total flakes.

This just…astounds me, and it should make you shake your head, too. We’re going into the whole parenting game with as realistic viewpoint as we can, that it won’t be all smiles and giggles, but the benefits will far outweigh the trials and tribulations of the experience. To see other parents treating their children like mere commodities or inconveniences pains us to no end and we’d love to beat them senseless given the chance. In lieu of that, we’ll simply strive to love the dickens out of our children and raise them so they don’t turn into asshats like these jerks.